March 5, 2014 by Sara Weston

Meditation Tip: Don’t judge your meditation

MedGal It’s important to not judge your meditation. The only bad meditation is the one you don’t do! The truth is even when you have meditations that don’t feel as “good” or “powerful” as others, the light is still transforming you. It’s still working, even if it doesn’t feel like a good meditation to you. That being said you need to meditate correctly for it to really work, so please check out the post on meditating correctly, if you need a refresher.

For meditation instruction, download the free eBook on How to Meditate.

January 24, 2014 by Sara Weston

Small Happiness Tip: Respond to Personal Emails/Texts On Your Own Timetable

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Respond to personal emails and texts on your own timetable. Don’t be manipulated into answering someone right away when you’re not in the mood because it’s a social convention. Most of the emails and texts we receive are not critical and responses to them can wait. (I’m not suggesting you ignore critical messages!) Just because it is easy to be connected, doesn’t mean we should be. We all feel more serene and less pulled in multiple directions when we’re not constantly monitoring our phones and email.

January 18, 2014 by Sara Weston

Your Experience of Life Is Determined By Your State of Mind

Tips-Illus-Movies2 How you experience your day-to-day life is based on your state of mind. This concept is illustrated perfectly in the movie Groundhog Day, where the protagonist Phil (played by Bill Murray) experiences the exact same day over and over again. In this day where he encounters the same people and events repeatedly, the only thing that changes in the day is his state of mind. He experiences the exact same day in many different ways, from cynical to amazed to suicidal to supremely content, with the changes arising only from his mind state and consequent actions.

In the beginning when he realizes that he is stuck living the same day over and over again (a metaphor for reincarnation and being stuck on the wheel of life, death and rebirth), he is exhilarated at the perceived lack of consequences for his actions. He pursues his desires, stealing money from the armored car, tricking women into dating him, and most especially, manipulating Rita (played by Andie MacDowell) into liking him. But when he becomes bored with the money and dates and is rejected by Rita, his state of mind turns suicidal and he futilely kills himself over and over again, always waking up again in the same day.

1993, GROUNDHOG DAY When he finally decides to stop being self-destructive and indulgent, he begins to use his day to improve himself and help others, and in the process becomes content. Rita is then naturally attracted to his more authentic self and, without even having to try, he finally gets the girl (becomes enlightened) and wakes up in a new day (exits off the wheel of life, death and rebirth). So like Phil, you too have the opportunity to choose the outcome of your day and thus your life, by choosing your state of mind.

November 20, 2013 by Sara Weston

Happiness Tip: Remove emotionally heavy items from your house.

Objects can have people and memories associated with them, and if these associations are sad, depressing, angry or make you feel bad for any reason, then get rid of those things. When you have items in your house that have heavy associations with them, a part of your mind feels the heaviness every time you look at them and it drags you down. Getting rid of these items is one of the quickest and easiest ways to feel better on a day-to-day basis.

Some examples of emotionally heavy items to get rid of, such as jewelry or gifts from old lovers or the bed you shared with an ex, are pretty intuitive and most people get rid of these naturally. Less obvious are items that have associations with people you love, but don’t make you feel good. For example, one woman I know always felt uncomfortable in her living room, so avoided it. She described the room as having fairly standard living room furniture and about twenty to thirty family photos on the mantel and piano. After some questioning, I realized the photos made her nostalgic and sad about the passage of time. Though she is quite close with her children who are now adults, and doesn’t want to go back to the times captured in the pictures even if she could, the photos made her sad. I suggested she box up the photos and put them in a closet as an experiment to see if it would make the room feel better. She put the photos away and was amazed at how much lighter and more enjoyable the room felt. You know there is no rule that says you have to have pictures of your kids or relatives or any other thing in your house. If something makes you feel weird, for whatever reason, then get rid of it. There are social conventions about what the house of a good friend, mom, partner, etc. looks like, but these are just imposed ideas that you don’t have to follow. If something makes you feel heavy, get rid of it!

If you feel too attached to an item that you think you should get rid of, put it in a box in an out of the way place and see what it’s like to live without it. Most people find they don’t miss the object at all and end up getting rid of it.

October 17, 2013 by Sara Weston

Mindfulness Tip: Follow the 7-second rule

7 sec stopwatch-pola You have about 7 – 10 seconds before a thought gets stuck in your mind. When a negative or unhealthy thought arises, redirect your mind immediately before the thought gets stuck in a tape loop in your mind.

If you’re having a difficult time redirecting your thoughts, you can immerse your mind in a magazine, newspaper or book; you can listen to audio books or podcasts, or work on a project or hobby that completely absorbs you—whatever it takes to substitute the negative or stressful thought with something higher. (Music alone is usually not effective as an aide in mindfulness because your mind can still easily wander while listening to music.) For those who have a spiritual teacher they love, the most powerful and effective way to still the mind is to move your mind to an image of him or her.

Using this technique of switching your mind away from a negative or stressful thought before it takes hold isn’t meant to imply that you shouldn’t address the issue that is causing the troublesome thought. Instead the technique is useful when there is no action that can be taken at the time and the best thing to do is push the thought out of your mind. For example, if you are unemployed and looking for a job, you should of course do everything you can to find a job. However, once you’ve done all you can for the day, it doesn’t help your search to worry about it at night since worrying drains your energy. So as worry starts to seep in, employ the 7-second rule to keep it at bay. Another example is, suppose you and your partner broke up after many years together and when you think of him or her, it makes you feel really sad. In this case, employ this technique when you notice the thought of your ex creeping into your mind, so you can prevent the thought of him or her from getting stuck in your mind.

September 18, 2013 by Sara Weston

Meditation Tip: Meditate Correctly

SittingInChair

Posting this again because it is so important! Happy Equinox 🙂 Sara.

When you begin meditating, the most important thing is to establish a daily practice—you need to focus on just showing up and doing it! Once you are meditating on a regular basis, then the focus shifts to meditating correctly.

You won’t experience the benefits of meditation if you just space out and let your mind wander. In order to meditate correctly, it’s important to not think about other people or talk to other people in your mind. Don’t work on your to-do list or ruminate on projects at work or school. Instead, when you notice you are thinking, simply bring your focus back to the area of focus (chakra, breath, mantra or yantra). Don’t fight the thought or get frustrated that you are thinking—be patient with yourself and just return your mind to the area of focus.

Also keep in mind that a shorter, completely focused meditation is more effective than a longer, spaced-out one.

August 14, 2013 by Sara Weston

The Bliss of a Vacation from the Internet

Recently I was on vacation, and with the exception of a few email checks, I also took a vacation from the Internet. Though I have done this many times before, I was still amazed at the blissfulness of the mind without the energetic push and pull of the Internet. The mind is so much more quiet and unconcerned with the goings-on of the world when released from the tyranny of the Internet :–). I highly recommend you give yourself a vacation from the Internet the next time you go on vacation.

July 15, 2013 by Sara Weston

If you miss the first bus, catch the next one

Van

If you miss an opportunity or mess one up, don’t give up, just catch the next “bus.” There will always be other opportunities, no matter how we’ve messed up in the past. We don’t just get one shot—life isn’t that chintzy. Other opportunities will be available, though they will most likely take a different form than the previous one.

July 3, 2013 by Sara Weston

Happiness Tip: Bring your full attention to what you do

With the advent of email, cellphones, text messaging, the Internet, etc. there are numerous ways for our focus to be interrupted. But when our attention is diffused, we don’t approach our interactions with people or our work with the same level of energy and intent that we do when we are focused. When we approach people in a scattered way, we don’t hear, understand and ultimately relate to them as well. When we approach work without our full attention, our work is not as clear and crisp, it takes longer to do and is not as satisfying to do as when we are focused. Even watching a movie while multi-tasking diminishes the experience. A movie takes you on an emotional journey, but when you switch your attention to texts, emails and phone conversations, your attention is leached out and the movie isn’t as funny, poignant or thrilling. In other words, when you don’t bring your attention to what you do, you miss all the good stuff. When you bring your full attention to work, play and relationships, they’re more intense, enjoyable and satisfying.

June 24, 2013 by Sara Weston

Happiness Tip: Don’t let the fear of offending someone trap you in a draining situation.

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Third entry in an ongoing series in which movie scenes are used to illustrate happiness concepts and tips.

One tip in How to Be Happy NOW is Don’t let the fear of offending someone trap you in a draining situation, excerpted here: If someone is dumping all over you, you don’t need to stick around because you feel like you will hurt that person’s feelings by leaving quickly. This may seem incredibly obvious, yet many people will allow a coworker to dump all their garbage on them, or allow a creepy man to hit on them because they don’t want to hurt his feelings. It’s okay to hurt the feelings of someone who is draining you or dumping on you! If you want to be graceful in your escape, you can have a few good excuses in your back pocket, such as “I was just on my way to the restroom” or “I have a meeting that I need to get to,” but don’t take on someone’s bad energy because you think it is the polite or compassionate thing to do.

In the movie The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, the reporter Mikael Blomkvist has figured out that Martin Vanger is a serial killer. Mikael goes to Martin’s house to snoop around and find more evidence. Martin sees him outside his house and asks him in for a drink. Mikael goes into the house and then is forced into the room where Martin kills his victims. As he plans to kill him, Martin says:

Can I ask you something?….You knew something was wrong – you even knew what it was – but you came back into the house. Did I force you? Did I grab you and drag you in? I just offered you a drink. (pause)

You’d never think the fear of offending could be stronger than the fear of pain – but you know what? It is. They always come willingly.

Of course, this is an extreme example—most of us would not go into a serial killer’s house for the sake of not offending him! Far more “threatening” are coworkers, salespeople and certain friends or relatives who just want to dump their garbage on us, and we let them because we don’t want to offend them. Each of us knows the difference between a friend who needs our support and a kind ear and a person who is ranting, complaining and dumping their toxicity on us. It is okay to offend someone who is using us or draining us. Get out of there.